Do you remember what your first time was like? Was it on crisp sheets full of red roses and the gentle touch of a caring tall glass of chocolate on top of you swearing undying love (am sorry, too much information! Lol) or an awkward quickie with a drunk in a toilet, a cheap motel or at a party? The age we lose our virginity is one of the most unforgettable times in our lives. Did you start having sex too young, or were you a late starter!
According to a report by the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle, the average ‘exposed’ person first had sex when they were in their mid-teens. “Look at the statistics for older generations and it’s clear that people are becoming sexually active sooner,” says the report. “On average, a man who is now in his 80s first had sex when he was 18, while an average woman of that generation waited until she was 19.
However, when it comes to wishing things had been different, almost half the women, but less than a quarter of the men had regrets, said the report. It’s possible to get an idea of the reasons for remorse from people’s responses to questions such as whether their partner had been more willing to have sex than them – i.e. they felt pressured and if they were drunk when it happened.
The million-dollar question really is: Were you really ready? When assessing whether you were ready, researchers don’t mean whether you know which hole is for what, or how to open a packet of condoms. Rather, it’s a case of whether you were prepared for the momentous event or, in terms of the research, ‘competent’. If you agree with one or more of the following statements, then you are considered to have been not competent or ready when you lost your virginity:-
- Someone wanted it more than the other.
- I wish I had waited a little longer.
- I succumbed to peer pressure.
- I was drunk or had taken drugs.
- I did not use reliable contraception.
Given the increasingly young age that people lose their virginity, you would expect competency to be going down, but it appears that it is increasing across the generations. This suggests that young people are increasingly savvy when it comes to sex. The circumstances of your first’ sexual experience can predict subsequent health problems, with lack of ‘competence’ being associated with subsequent unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and coercion into sex, regardless of the age at which first intercourse occurred. This suggests that sex education should focus not just on the mechanics of sex and contraception, but also on readiness for sexual activity.
Attitudes towards sex before marriage have changed dramatically in the past few decades. In the late sixties, it is alleged that just over a third had sex with their husband before tying the knot. By the Eighties, the figure had risen to over 70 per vent. Now it is so common, the question is no longer asked. But it’s fair to assume it is well into the 90 per cent range.
Today the average woman is virtually free to take her love-life into her hands. In the past, the gap between becoming sexually active and having a child was close together. An average woman then lost her virginity at 20, got married at 21 and had her first child aged 23 to 24. Compare this sequence to today’s average woman who first had sex at 17, started a partnership (not necessarily marriage) at 23 to 24 and gave birth to her first child at 27. That’s ten years of sexual activity before her first birth – a demonstration of the efficacy of contraception. In short, reliable contraception means many women now put off families so they can develop careers first.