Remember when you could jump off a staircase, land horribly, and just shake it off like a Marvel superhero? Yeah, me neither. At the wise old age of 25, I have officially entered the “Ow, my back” stage of life. No, I do not have kids. No, I do not work in construction. I literally just exist—and it hurts.
The Downward Spiral of a Once-Young Body
At 18, you could pull an all-nighter, eat junk food all day, and still function like a normal human being. At 25? One late night and you need a three-day recovery plan, a chiropractor, and a GoFundMe for your future hospital bills.
The worst part? No one warns you that your body has betrayal in its DNA. Your knee will start making clicking sounds. Your back will demand a special mattress. You’ll wake up sore—from sleeping. Let me repeat that. The act of RESTING will injure you. What kind of nonsense is this?
Grocery Shopping Is the New Nightlife
Gone are the days when Friday nights were for partying. Now? I get excited about supermarket deals. You don’t know true joy until you’ve found a “Buy One, Get One Free” sale on paper towels. Who needs clubs when you can vibe in the cleaning supplies aisle, evaluating which detergent smells more like “financial responsibility”?
Also, let’s talk about the betrayal of snacks. As a kid, you could eat an entire pack of biscuits with zero consequences. Now? You eat one and your stomach is like, “Sweetheart, we don’t do that anymore.”
Sleep: The New Luxury Item
Remember when your parents told you to go to bed early, and you acted like sleep was your greatest enemy? Joke’s on you because now, sleep is the love of your life, and you never get enough of it. Even when you sleep for eight hours, your body wakes up like, “Nah, try again.”
The real pain? When you wake up before your alarm for no reason. Just vibes. No peace. No justice.
Everything Is Expensive and No One Knows Why
At 18, you thought by 25 you’d own a house, have your life together, and maybe even a dog. But here you are, celebrating the fact that you resisted buying an overpriced bubble tea because “we’re trying to be responsible now.”
Eggs? Expensive.
Soap? Expensive.
Breathing? Probably taxable soon.
The funniest part? No one really understands how the economy works, but we all agree it’s out to get us.
Socializing Requires an Appointment
At 18, you could hang out with your friends at any time. No plans. Just vibes. At 25, you have to schedule a hangout three weeks in advance because everyone is either too busy, too broke, or too tired. And let’s be honest—half the time, we cancel anyway.
“Sorry, something came up.”
Translation: I sat down, and now I can’t move.
We Are Old, and That’s Okay
Sure, our bodies are breaking down faster than a used iPhone, and we have the energy level of a phone stuck at 1%… but at least we get to experience the simple joys of life, like finding a good discount or sitting in complete silence after work.
So here’s to us—the generation that’s both too young for back pain and too old to understand TikTok trends. We may be falling apart, but at least we’re doing it together.
Now excuse me while I go take a nap and complain about the price of plantain.