Public transport is a wild, unpredictable adventure that could rival any blockbuster movie. Whether you’re crammed into a sweaty bus, hanging onto a rickety danfo in Lagos, or navigating the rush-hour chaos in a keke, there’s one thing we all know—there are unwritten rules that everyone follows. No one talks about them, yet we all obey. It’s like an underground code that every commuter downloads the moment they step inside. Let’s explore some of these sacred laws, shall we?
1. Thou Shall Avoid Eye Contact at All Costs
If you’ve ever made eye contact with a fellow passenger for too long, you already know the awkwardness that follows. Suddenly, it’s as if you’ve unlocked a staring contest you never wanted to enter. To avoid this fate, most of us master the art of looking everywhere else—the window, our phones, or even the floor like we’ve just dropped a million dollars down there. Eye contact on public transport? Risky business.
2. The One-Butt-One-Seat Rule (But Not Really)
Seats on public transport are precious real estate, yet somehow, there’s always that one person who thinks they paid for extra legroom… in a space clearly meant for three people. They’ll sit with their knees wide apart, elbows flared, and bags occupying a whole seat, as if they’re royalty. The rest of us? We perch on the edge of the seat like humble peasants. Life isn’t fair.
3. Thou Shall Pretend Not to Hear Any Argument
When a heated argument breaks out on a bus, the proper response isn’t to mediate or even laugh. No, no, no—you must adopt the “I’m not involved” face and stare blankly ahead like nothing is happening. Bonus points if you plug in earphones that aren’t actually playing anything, just to appear unbothered.
4. Thou Shall Respect the Sacred ‘Last Drop’ of Change
If you’ve ever paid for a ride and waited for your change, you know that collecting that last ₦20 can feel like a full-time job. The conductor may act like you’re asking for a million bucks, but the unwritten rule says you must stay calm, maintain your stance, and keep shouting “O wa n’ change mi!” until justice is served.
5. Thou Shall Know the Meaning of ‘Shift’ Without Verbal Instructions
There’s an unspoken language of shifting that every Nigerian commuter just knows. Someone slides an inch to the left? You follow. Someone’s knee brushes against yours? Time to readjust. It’s a beautiful dance of discomfort that somehow makes the journey bearable.
6. Thou Shall Not Judge the Sleeping Passenger
You’ve seen them—the people who doze off and somehow manage not to miss their bus stop. They sleep through potholes, traffic, and loud conductors, and yet they’ll magically wake up just in time. We don’t judge these magical beings; we admire them. After all, it’s not easy to nap when the bus sounds like a generator.
7. Thou Shall Not Argue with the Driver Over Speeding (Unless It’s Getting Wild)
Drivers often have their own vibe—some drive so slowly that snails would overtake them, while others drive like they’re auditioning for Fast & Furious: Oshodi Drift. The unwritten rule? You don’t question the driver unless your life flashes before your eyes. Then, and only then, are you allowed to respectfully say, “Oga, abeg, slow down small.”
8. Thou Shall Always Fake a Call When the Bus Fare Is Announced
We’ve all been there. The conductor announces an absurd fare, and suddenly, everyone’s on their phone, pretending to make an important call to avoid eye contact. “₦800 for Ikeja?! I didn’t hear that; I’m busy on the phone with my boss.”
9. Thou Shall Share the Suffering Silently
Public transport is not glamorous. You’ll sweat, get squished, and probably inhale a few questionable smells. But according to the code, you must endure all this in silence, exchanging only the occasional “Na wa o” look with your fellow passengers. It’s an unspoken bond—a quiet acknowledgment that yes, you’re all suffering together.
10. Thou Shall Never Trust the ‘Almost There’ Lie
Ask any Nigerian driver how far the destination is, and you’ll hear, “We’re almost there.” Five minutes later? You’re still crawling through traffic. But you don’t complain—you just sigh, adjust your position, and accept your fate. You know the lie is part of the journey.
In the chaotic world of public transport, these unwritten rules are what keep us sane. They’re the invisible threads that bind us together as we navigate crowded buses, rowdy conductors, and unpredictable detours. So next time you’re squished between two strangers or pretending not to hear someone yelling, just remember—you’re following the code like a true commuter.
Happy commuting, and may the odds (and your change) be ever in your favor!