Valentine’s Day is widely celebrated internationally as the day of lovers. Even if you see it as a contrived commercialized day, no one can deny that it tugs at the heart when you see decorations all around and lovers everywhere express their deep emotion towards one another. It’s the day when flowers, teddy bears and chocolates are delivered to the office, marriage proposals and wedding celebrations abound; hearts and the color red are everywhere and romance is in the air. And for those in relationships or not, it’s either one of the best holidays of the year or the worst.
Must Read: Fatal Attraction: FULL EP: Sins & Secrets
So, what’s a girl to do if she’s dreading or she’s not sure how this day will turn out for her? The good news is that if indeed, Valentine’s Day is all about love, then when you’ve embraced the power of self-love, this day and everyday can be whatever you want it to be, regardless of your relationship circumstance. The power to love lies within you. This is not a cliché in the least. It’s actually about owning your power, putting love in its proper place and setting you up to receive the love that you want and deserve from the inside out on Valentine’s Day and beyond. Do you want that? If so, here are seven ways to love yourself:
1. Choose Yourself
Too often, women don’t choose themselves because of our desire to be loved, we feel obligated to take care of everyone else’s needs first in hopes that it will make them love us back. And when we do take the time that we want or need for ourselves, we still feel guilty about it.
When it comes to relationships, even if we articulate what it is that we want, we tend to settle for “good enough.” But guess what? Good enough is not good enough. And if you don’t feel that you’re good enough to fully have your heart’s desires fulfilled, no one else will either.
Are you attracted to someone who treats you like the queen that you are? If not, then acceptance of this lies within you. The more you treat yourself well, the more you will be drawn to those who will do the same.
Everyday discover something new to love about you; your intellect, your humor, your body, your style, your heart, your ambition. Write it down, declare your “I am’s” out loud daily–fearlessly and unapologetically. Somebody’s got to love you; it might as well be you. You are the one person who you can guarantee will always be there for you, as long as you don’t forget to love, honor and cherish her.
2. Clean Your House
Have you ever had someone stop by your house unexpectedly? It’s the worse when you’re not prepared for company. It’s embarrassing. You and your house look like a mess. Once you peek out of the window, you find yourself doing the house shuffle. You know: when you run as fast and quietly as you can to hide the dirty dishes, prop up the pillows and remove all of the inappropriate things that might be out and about.
On one hand, you find yourself half irritated because it’s rude to stop by unannounced and on the other hand, you’re apologizing for the condition of your residence. Now, regardless of how much you tidy up with the quickness, you are not completely comfortable. You can’t wait for them to leave because you were caught off guard. When they arrived, it threw off your rhythm. And suddenly you were uncomfortable in your own space. I am sure you would agree that being in that state is not ideal for company.
So why then, on the occasions when you pray for the ideal lover to come into your life or, when you’re pressing your companion for a deeper, more committed relationship; would you invite them into your house without you first doing the necessary house cleaning – emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially? You should want to be comfortable in your personal space before inviting others in.
When you don’t take the time to do your own house cleaning, people may actually come over to visit, but they won’t stay there very long and under the best circumstances. Why? Because your house wasn’t ready for company. The point is clean up so you can create the right atmosphere for you to live and others to enter.
3. Date Yourself
Even if you’re a mom with three small children, you absolutely must take the time to honor yourself by scheduling time to reconnect with the simple things that make you unique. If you don’t have a date on this Friday night, date yourself. Do something that makes you feel good and girly — eat some dark chocolate, drink your favorite adult beverage, buy a fun lipstick, or paint your nails, — anything to treat yourself. Make time to do you. Use this time to start a new tradition of dating yourself at least once a month. Buy your favorite ice cream and eat it in the park, take a long walk or drive just to gather your thoughts and clear your head. Get quiet. Pray. Listen to music and dance. Take a long shower or a sweet, warm bath filled with lavender. Close your room door, dim the lights and touch yourself (more on this later). These self-appointments are personal moments to honor the love that you have for who you are and what you enjoy. It keeps you grounded and connected to your spirit. This should be maintained whether you’re in a relationship, have children or not.
It is when you don’t preserve your self-appointments that you lose your connection to your core. Relationships are great when they’re great. But they can also be distracting, delightfully so. If the relationship that you’ve poured yourself into ends, your loss will be compounded by the realization that you’ve lost yourself in the process as well. Preserve your self-love because you are the one person that you will always have.
Valentine’s Day is widely celebrated internationally as the day of lovers. Even if you see it as a contrived commercialized day, no one can deny that it tugs at the heart when you see decorations all around and lovers everywhere express their deep emotion towards one another. It’s the day when flowers, teddy bears and chocolates are delivered to the office, marriage proposals and wedding celebrations abound; hearts and the color red are everywhere and romance is in the air. And for those in relationships or not, it’s either one of the best holidays of the year or the worst.
Must Read: Fatal Attraction: FULL EP: Sins & Secrets
So, what’s a girl to do if she’s dreading or she’s not sure how this day will turn out for her? The good news is that if indeed, Valentine’s Day is all about love, then when you’ve embraced the power of self-love, this day and everyday can be whatever you want it to be, regardless of your relationship circumstance. The power to love lies within you. This is not a cliché in the least. It’s actually about owning your power, putting love in its proper place and setting you up to receive the love that you want and deserve from the inside out on Valentine’s Day and beyond. Do you want that? If so, here are seven ways to love yourself:
1. Choose Yourself
Too often, women don’t choose themselves because of our desire to be loved, we feel obligated to take care of everyone else’s needs first in hopes that it will make them love us back. And when we do take the time that we want or need for ourselves, we still feel guilty about it.
When it comes to relationships, even if we articulate what it is that we want, we tend to settle for “good enough.” But guess what? Good enough is not good enough. And if you don’t feel that you’re good enough to fully have your heart’s desires fulfilled, no one else will either.
Are you attracted to someone who treats you like the queen that you are? If not, then acceptance of this lies within you. The more you treat yourself well, the more you will be drawn to those who will do the same.
Everyday discover something new to love about you; your intellect, your humor, your body, your style, your heart, your ambition. Write it down, declare your “I am’s” out loud daily–fearlessly and unapologetically. Somebody’s got to love you; it might as well be you. You are the one person who you can guarantee will always be there for you, as long as you don’t forget to love, honor and cherish her.
2. Clean Your House
Have you ever had someone stop by your house unexpectedly? It’s the worse when you’re not prepared for company. It’s embarrassing. You and your house look like a mess. Once you peek out of the window, you find yourself doing the house shuffle. You know: when you run as fast and quietly as you can to hide the dirty dishes, prop up the pillows and remove all of the inappropriate things that might be out and about.
On one hand, you find yourself half irritated because it’s rude to stop by unannounced and on the other hand, you’re apologizing for the condition of your residence. Now, regardless of how much you tidy up with the quickness, you are not completely comfortable. You can’t wait for them to leave because you were caught off guard. When they arrived, it threw off your rhythm. And suddenly you were uncomfortable in your own space. I am sure you would agree that being in that state is not ideal for company.
So why then, on the occasions when you pray for the ideal lover to come into your life or, when you’re pressing your companion for a deeper, more committed relationship; would you invite them into your house without you first doing the necessary house cleaning – emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially? You should want to be comfortable in your personal space before inviting others in.
When you don’t take the time to do your own house cleaning, people may actually come over to visit, but they won’t stay there very long and under the best circumstances. Why? Because your house wasn’t ready for company. The point is clean up so you can create the right atmosphere for you to live and others to enter.
3. Date Yourself
Even if you’re a mom with three small children, you absolutely must take the time to honor yourself by scheduling time to reconnect with the simple things that make you unique. If you don’t have a date on this Friday night, date yourself. Do something that makes you feel good and girly — eat some dark chocolate, drink your favorite adult beverage, buy a fun lipstick, or paint your nails, — anything to treat yourself. Make time to do you. Use this time to start a new tradition of dating yourself at least once a month. Buy your favorite ice cream and eat it in the park, take a long walk or drive just to gather your thoughts and clear your head. Get quiet. Pray. Listen to music and dance. Take a long shower or a sweet, warm bath filled with lavender. Close your room door, dim the lights and touch yourself (more on this later). These self-appointments are personal moments to honor the love that you have for who you are and what you enjoy. It keeps you grounded and connected to your spirit. This should be maintained whether you’re in a relationship, have children or not.
It is when you don’t preserve your self-appointments that you lose your connection to your core. Relationships are great when they’re great. But they can also be distracting, delightfully so. If the relationship that you’ve poured yourself into ends, your loss will be compounded by the realization that you’ve lost yourself in the process as well. Preserve your self-love because you are the one person that you will always have.
7. Touch Yourself
Dr. Jeff Gardere is known as America’s psychologist so I asked Dr. Jeff: what type of emotional benefits, if any, does self-pleasuring have for a woman?
Here’s what he shared: “For women in particular, it helps them to get comfortable. They can learn a lot about who they are and are able to have more control of their bodies. Women are battling the prim and proper stereotypes. Women don’t need to feel shame; it’s about being in control of your own body. Also, it helps with anxiety reduction.”
Because we are in control of our bodies when we touch ourselves to the point of satisfaction, we can learn a lot about who we are and foster emotional healing.
According to some sexuality experts, here are more benefits:
- It helps relieve depressive emotions. As we become aroused, the hormone levels of dopamine and epinephrine soar in our bodies. Both of these hormones are mood-boosters. Many studies show that women who report personal satisfaction with their sex lives live a better quality of life overall.
- It strengthens our relationship with ourselves. When we know, love, and nurture ourselves on emotional and physical levels, we gain confidence and grow through self-awareness.
- It strengthens your sexual relationship with your partner. Many couples have different sexual drives and needs. It is one way to meet personal needs not met by a partner. It can be shared with a partner. It can also teach you what methods your partner prefers. It can also open the lines of communication between partners who otherwise might be assuming that the “routine” is still working.
Bottom-line: If it’s not your job to get in touch with yourself; then whose responsibility is it? Be willing to get deep enough with yourself to explore what works for you. You may discover something beautiful and satisfying in your V-spot.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Enjoy the gift of YOU!