Sticks and stones may break your bones but wrong use of words could wreck your soul. Words may not physically harm us, but they will sure hurt psychologically, emotionally and all. Everyone has felt pain and anguish at some point as a result of unkind words.
In marriages and relationships today, people fling out words unthinkingly in moments of anger or frustration. If you want to avoid hurting your marriage or relationship you need to learn the act of self-control, however, avoid these 8 phrases at all costs:
“That’s not my problem.”
You’re married. This means if something is your spouse’s problem, it’s your problem. Your partner’s problems may be frustrating at times, but if you’re supportive, you can trust they will support you as well when you have a problem.
“I’ll just do it.”
If your partner folds the laundry differently than you or dumps the cup in the sink instead of rinsing it, it can be tempting to storm in and just do it the way you want it done. But that may be demeaning to your partner. No one likes to feel like their efforts are unacceptable.
Furthermore, not only does saying this hurt your partner, but it’s also going to leave you “just doing” pretty much everything around the house–if you ask me that is a lose-lose.
“Get over it.”
Telling your husband or wife to get over it is actually a form of abuse called gaslighting. With this phrase you are trying to make him or her feel like something is not a big deal and is just in their head. However, if something is a big deal to him, you should be considerate enough to validate him or her. Try to understand their perspective instead of brushing them off.
“Why can’t you be more like … “
Comparison is an enemy! Don’t do it, don’t! Whether you say it out loud or not, don’t compare your spouse to anyone in any way. Your spouse has wonderful qualities that the person you are comparing them to does not have. Asking your spouse to be more like someone else disregards all the good qualities of your spouse. Comparing will only make you unsatisfied and hurt them.
“You always … ” (or) “You never … “
Whipping out one of these absolutes corrodes relationships because they are exaggerations, I’m sure at one point they try to do something right to make your happy. Your husband doesn’t always leave his dishes in the sink neither does he never listen when you’re talking. If you’re tempted to use one of these words, take a step back and reevaluate your perspective before expressing your feelings. You will then understand they repeat these things when they are unconscious.
“If you really loved me … “
Using this phrase is an attempt to manipulate your spouse in the name of love. Don’t reduce love to something as miserable as manipulation. Although love needs to be worked at, even within marriage, you should never prescribe what your spouse needs to do to earn your love.
“I told you so.”
Sometimes we are wrong, who says we were built for perfection? The both of you will have your share of opportunities to say, “I told you so,” but this phrase is extremely demeaning. Saying this will only function to build resentment in your relationship because you are treating your partner like a child.
“It’s your fault.”
Even if something is your spouse’s fault, pointing fingers will not solve the issue. As a companionship, the responsibility of solving issues falls on both of you, so go ahead and work to rectify the situation instead of making anyone the guilty party.