Laju Iren, a pastor, mother and writer, shares her experiences from her marriage of two years to her husband, EmmanueI Iren.
She is seen as a mentor to many girls and ladies, inspiring them in their journey toward success, marriage and a life of spiritual fulfilment.
The writer, who is married to Emmanuel Iren, a lead pastor in a fast growing church in Lagos, wrote about the lessons she has learnt in her two-year marriage to encourage someone who may be having a hard time in their home.
She describes marriage as a delicate matter and notes that issues arising within a union should be treated with a lot of care, to ensure that one is not making the wrong decision.
Below is her message:
The last time I wrote an article like this, I had been married three months. Even though I didn’t claim to know everything at that time, there was a part of me that thought I knew a lot. That part of me knows better now. That said, I’m still learning a lot, but I thought you could learn from what I’ve learned. So here goes:
I married the right guy. Not a perfect one, but one that was right for me; who loves God and gets me.
An unforgiving spirit will kill your marriage. Apologize, forgive and forget.
No two marriages are the same. Don’t constantly compare yourself, your spouse or relationship with others.
Your fights will most likely be about the same old thing. I finally decided to listen to my husband’s complaints and make some adjustments. It turned out good…at least for my fashion sense.
You can change from old habits. The sooner, the better.
There will be challenges; what determines whether they make or break you is how you handle them.
The rules don’t change; husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. Both of you submit to one another in love and submit to God.
In a way, baby changes everything. You must both fight to keep the same what must be kept the same. Never let your child take the place of your spouse. Keep the romance alive.
In a way, baby changes nothing. Character issues you both have will not disappear with the birth of a baby.
Intercourse in marriage gets better with time.
God always provides…except money is your god – then you’re really doomed. Be content, but work hard, work smart, save and invest.
You need more help as your family expands. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Balance is possible if the foundation is sure. You can be a wife, mom, minister, business woman etc, if you prioritize correctly and make wise use of your time.
Pray. Pray. Pray and pray. Not just about the relationship, but because being a person of prayer makes you a spirit filled person and with the daily temptations that come with marriage, you need to be spirit filled.
Growing in your personal life as a Christian will help you grow in your relationship with your spouse. If you spend more time in prayer, you’re likely to spend less time in anger.
Discard tactics that don’t work. Ladies, em…nagging hardly ever works.
Be friends with your spouse’s friends, his family should be yours already.
Plan ahead. For family. For ministry. For your careers. But first and foremost be open to God’s plan for your family.
Nothing makes a marriage work as much as the commitment of both parties to making it work.
My purpose isn’t marriage. It isn’t my career. It isn’t even motherhood. It’s Christ. In my loving, in my ‘mummying,’ in my working, I must live in Him, for Him, with Joy!