Dear Mimi,
I am so angry right now. I wanted to avoid Naija men drama and so I married a Dutch man and live in Netherlands with him. We have a four year old son and two year old daughter. I thought that by marrying an oyinbo man I will avoid naija mother-in-law wahala but I was in for a shock. My husband’s mother lives in the next house to ours and is always in our house. At first I was happy to have her as I thought she will help with the children but she doesn’t. All she does is come from her house next door and watches our tv all day. More intolerable than her presence is that every morning when she comes as my husband is leaving for work, she whines that he is leaving her and then kisses him goodbye on his lips!
I have tolerated her and her habits all this while but last week I saw she has started kissing my son and daughter on the lips also and this makes me uncomfortable. What is this oyinbo behavior? Is it normal? What should I do?
-Mother-in-Law Madness
Dear Mother-In-Law Madness,
I must say your letter was but funny and annoying. I feel for you. In trying to avoid one wahala, you jumped into a bigger one. Poor you. My advice to you is to set boundaries. Luckily, people in teh Western world are aware of boundaries even with their parents and elders. You may first ask your husband to set these boundaries with his mother. If that doesnt work, tell your mother-in-law that you can only accept visitors after a certain time in a day and on specific days. Stick with it. It may be difficult to do as Nigerian women have been conditioned to take anything from husbands and in-laws. Luckily you are not dealing with a naija mother-in-law. Set the boundaries and stick to them. This includes telling her not to kiss your children on their lips. Different cultures have different ways of expressing affection so this lip kissing may be harmless, however if it bothers you, set the boundaries and keep them. I wish you courage.
Love Mimi
Mimi Knows something about everything. If Mimi doesn’t know, who will? Email your questions to [email protected]