Dear Mimi,
I know this may sound like I am jealous but I am not. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me and is marrying someone else in less than one year. What pains me is that we are both HIV positive and we don’t know who gave the other but for the two years of our relationship, we took our medications together and kept it our secret. Our agreement was that we will marry each other. We are educated enough to know that if we stay on our medication, we can live long and good lives. My issue is that he became born again shortly after our diagnosis and became fixated on marrying a virgin. He started calling me dirty and promiscuous and would go as far as insulting me that I am dirty, that’s why I have HIV. This is so bad because we don’t know who gave who HIV. He started attending one church and soon was dating an alleged virgin in the church. That is who he is about to marry. Should I tell her he is HIV positive? He has been doing the faith talk and claiming not to have HIV. I don’t know if he has told her, should I tell her or should I just mind my business?
-HIV Alert!
Dear HIV Alert!
MIND YOUR BUSINESS! I know this is not what you want to hear but worldwide, a person’s HIV status is private and should not be shared without the person’s consent. I know in the moral sense it is right to warn the intending bride, (assuming she doesn’t know as you think) but you must keep shut. Do not tell her or anybody else. A part of you thinks that no one in their right mind who is HIV negative will knowingly marry a person who is HIV positive but this is not true. For all you know, she knows and is okay with marrying him. There are many couples where one partner is HIV-negative and one partner HIV-positive- these are known as a serodiscordant couple or a serodifferent couple.
Serodiscordant couples are able to have safe sexual relationships by follow these rules-
- Talk about HIV prevention and family planning together as a couple, and with a healthcare professional
- Use condoms every time they have sex.
- Considering HIV treatment options
The partner with HIV must take Antiretroviral drugs that lower the amount of HIV in the body. This can reduce the virus to very low levels (undetectable), making them less likely to pass on HIV.
The HIV negative partner can take a medication called pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), which prevents exposure to HIV from becoming an infection.
So it is possible that the bride to be knows. Please MIND YOUR BUSINESS and move on. I wish you good health.
Love,
Mimi
-Mimi knows something about everything. If Mimi doesn’t know, who will? Write Mimi with your questions at [email protected]