Very few topics constantly generate as much anger and immediate general uproar as the one I’m about to discuss. Like most issues that have been tagged as predominantly affecting women,i.e. “women issues”, any attempt to offer any opinion without erring in one way or the other is probably on the same level of difficulty as walking backward across a field of landmines, and this is perhaps one of the contributing factors to our inability to appropriately tackle this problem.
Rape is one of those widely discussed topics that still miraculously remain a taboo to discuss openly to a certain extent. You run the risk of being termed a rape apologist or a chauvinist if your view in some way challenges the general consensus or you suggest a view of the topic that might appear insensitive to the plight of the victims. However, even with these warnings and red flags, like many other social issues, open discussion if permitted is perhaps still one of the best ways to tackle this problem.
That being said, I’ll like to offer my own series of disclaimers before I proceed and come out labeled erroneously; I am in no way a proponent of rape, if this isn’t obvious already, neither do I look kindly on those that in one way or another support it or wrongly apportion blame. I believe rapists should be buried in the deepest parts of the prison, so if my views appear uninformed, I indulge you to keep this in mind and forgive my inability to tactfully tackle this difficult topic.
A lot of attention has been put on spreading information about how wrong it is to rape, and how regardless of a woman’s attire or circumstances, she is never asking to be raped and there can be no justification for rape. I couldn’t agree with these assertions more, however, I am also of the opinion that a predator with a rapist mentality, if there is something as such, is unmoved by this rhetoric. Call me cynical, but I am skeptical about a molester having a change of heart after reading an article or tweet about the ills of rape and how vile an act it is. So I shall not attempt to tow this line because I believe trying to convince a rapist to be decent through literature is as futile as writing a letter to “the terrorists”, explaining how taking innocent lives is wrong and advising them to desist in order to save their immortal souls from eternal damnation. Though it is plausible that this sort of information might achieve the desired effect of discouraging rape, I consider it as highly improbable.
There are however other types of information relating to rape that I believe would better serve the society if given the same publicity as the current message, for example, publicizing the punishment for rape if a predator is convicted, as a deterrent and most importantly, information emphasizing the role prevention of rape by women can play in reducing its occurrence. Speaking about the prevention of rape through caution as a step in resolving this problem is sometimes seen as an attempt to incorrectly apportion blame, and this defensive view prevents the required information that could save a life from getting passed across adequately.
We currently live ina society with several unwritten social norms regarding sex and what counts as an invitation for sexual advances. My acknowledgement and expression of these rules is in no way an endorsement, I just happen to live in this society and have observed the social dynamics. One of these views which in my opinion would account for a number of rape cases is the general assumption by some men, not all men and I am unable to provide a percentage value of the number of men, that a female agreeing to spend time in seclusion, generally overnight and after a night out, where a considerable amount of money has been spent by the man to impress the lady is a latent agreement for sex. As expressed earlier, these are not my views, just an expression of what has been observed. While discussing this view and how right or wrong it is can take on a life of its own, I do not intend to bother with the intricacies of intents, implied agreements and how “No means No”, no matter at what point No is uttered. I believe this topic has been thoroughly discussed and I would rather focus my attention on something else. My intent is to express the opinion that if this has been generally adopted as the unspoken rule among some group of men, why fall victim to it when armed with this prior knowledge.
Even as men around men, caution is exercised regarding certain issues because men understand fully that other men can be evil and it’s always best to err on the side of caution. If you don’t trust the man you intend to spend any period of time in seclusion with, then why put yourself in such a position where you are the mercy of a bigger and stronger person with your judgment probably impaired due to alcohol. This view is in no way an attempt to absolve the aggressor of the responsibility of rape, this is just an attempt to ensure the situation for rape is avoided as much as possible. I believe this message and others of its nature aimed at ensuring smarter decisions are made in order to prevent rape, should be given as much publicity as messages aimed at persuading men not to resort to rape regardless of the situation.
While it is also extremely easy to advise victims of rape to report such incidents and expect the law and any other involved authorities to take action and protect the victim, I remain shocked at the reported treatment especially the nonchalance and apportioning of blame by law enforcement agencies and the society at large. The general assumption that rape is as a result of some action or inaction by the victim is probably one of the most backwards views of our society and proponents of this view are probably just as much of the problem as the perpetrators. This however is a show of the underlying problem in our society that remains unfixed and aids the existence of rape. The stigma also applied to rape victims is a view I am unable to comprehend. While the general assumption remains that most people are able to rationally analyze rape and come to the conclusion that the rapist is to be blamed, the evidence points in the other direction and the reaction to rape is still as unevolved as it was several years ago with rape victims are victimized for bringing shame to the family and seen as offenders rather than victims. This need to cover up “shame” and the ineptitude shown by law enforcement personnel only colludeto allow the rapist go free and move on to the next victim.
I do not have a solution to prescribe to this situation, however, I believe ensuring that open discussion of rape doesn’t turn into an event for male bashing and blind outrage without allowing proper discussion of the underlying view and philosophies behind it promotes this social issue. Public condemnation and general agreement to what the ideal response is, while reacting completely differently when faced with the issue in real life due to an incomplete understanding of the problem and a lifetime of just agreeing to “Rape is bad, we all know its bad, lets not discuss it” has to stop. I am of the opinion that very little progress has been made in tackling rape in the society despite the perception that opinions have changed. A different approach should be adopted to tackle this problem rather than the current reflex action of outrage and insincere condemnation.
Written by O.O.O