In the wild, chaotic jungle of Nigerian politics, one man stands out like a cat with nine lives—and then some. Meet Godswill Akpabio, the Senate President whose career reads like a script for a Nollywood blockbuster: allegations of corruption, bribery, fraud, and even a dash of scandalous harassment, all piling up over decades. Yet, somehow, this guy’s still grinning, still climbing, still untouchable. They call him the Teflon Don of Abuja—charges slide off him like oil off a politician’s palm. Guilty? Oh, probably. Proven? Not a chance. Let’s take a cynical stroll through the mess he’s waded through, because if justice is blind, it’s also apparently on permanent vacation when Akpabio’s around.
The Governor Years: Cash Piles and a Wink (2007–2015)
Back when Akpabio was Akwa Ibom’s top dog, the money flowed—and allegedly vanished—like a magician’s trick. The big one? A cool N108.1 billion supposedly siphoned from state coffers, with N22.1 billion yanked out in cash in 2014 alone, according to a 2015 petition by lawyer Leo Ekpenyong. The EFCC swooped in, detained him for a hot minute in October 2015, and… crickets. Akpabio cried vendetta, Ekpenyong got slapped with a defamation charge, and the whole thing evaporated faster than you can say “political favor.” Then there’s that 2013 speech where he casually admitted to rigging a 2007 senatorial election—swapped out a winner like it was a game of musical chairs. Caught on tape, no less. Punishment? A shrug and a promotion. U.S. diplomats even whispered about “exceptional corruption” in leaked cables, but whispers don’t handcuff a man like this.
Minister of Mischief: NDDC’s Missing Billions (2019–2022)
Fast forward to his gig as Niger Delta Affairs Minister, and the plot thickens—or at least the bank accounts do. The National Assembly sniffed around N40 billion gone AWOL from the NDDC in 2020—N1.5 billion for staff “COVID relief,” N85.6 million for lockdown jet-setting. Akpabio’s defense? Pointing fingers at lawmakers, claiming they were in on the contracts. Cue the viral “off the mic” moment and a whole lot of noise, but no jail time. Then there’s the N86 billion theft claim floating around X and SaharaReporters—no receipts, just vibes, and yet it fits the pattern. Oh, and whispers of a $5 million bribe to AGF Malami and N135 million to EFCC’s Bawa to hush probes? Alleged, denied, forgotten. Even Joy Nunieh, ex-NDDC boss, threw a curveball—said he harassed her, got a slap for it. Akpabio’s response: “She’s lying, and her NYSC certificate’s fake.” Case closed, because why not?
Senate President: Still Standing, Still Smirking (2023–Present)
By 2023, Akpabio’s dodging EFCC invites like a pro—March and May summons for old sins, skipped with a pneumonia excuse and a jaunt abroad. Conveniently, he bags Senate President in June, and the EFCC goes quiet. Coincidence? Sure, if you believe in fairy tales. Then Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan drops a bomb in 2025: claims he harassed her in 2023, dangled Senate perks for compliance. Petition filed, dismissed on a technicality, and she’s suspended for six months. Akpabio yawns, says it’s all timing nonsense. Meanwhile, Aisha Yesufu’s on TV, X is buzzing, and everyone’s screaming about the N108.1 billion again. Same old song, zero new arrests.
The Teflon Touch: Guilty as Sin, Free as a Bird
Add it up—over N200 billion in alleged theft, bribes in the millions, election fraud on tape, harassment claims from two women—and what’s the score? Zero convictions, a cushy Senate seat, and a legacy that screams “rules are for suckers.” Investigations start with a bang, end with a whimper—2015 EFCC grilling, 2020 NDDC circus, 2023 dodged summons—all fading into the ether. Is he guilty? Man, look at the smoke—there’s gotta be a fire somewhere. But in Nigeria’s game, proof’s optional, and Akpabio’s got the cheat codes. Scrubbed articles? Maybe—gaps in old coverage and dead links hint at it—but who needs evidence when you’re this slippery? The Teflon Don’s still at it, and the rest of us are just watching the show, shaking our heads. Another day, another dodge.
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