And so it came to pass, that on the morning of seven feasts, Apostle Johnson Suleiman would open his mouth and boast unto his people: “if any fools-and-men come close to you, thou shall kill them.” And, the people of God screamed hallelujah that rocked the very foundation of the building.
The message was quickly passed around town, that one apostle spoke that which is not allowed in the house of God. The people were worried and took to their gathering space in Internet heavens and cursed the man of God and called him an ill-begotten son of the Most High. The anger of the people quickly reached a diseased spirit who controlled foul mouths.
The soldiers of the diseased spirit marched to meet the apostle and plucked him from his space then detained him for some minutes. They showed him the book of Exodus 20:13 and asked him to read from his own book and he spoke thusly: “Thou shall not kill”. But, the apostle said, for the fools-and-men have killed so many people and threatened to take my life, he would employ another part of Exodus in his defense. He dusted his white kaftan, and said Exodus “Chapter 21: 23-25, if ANY mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.” On revealing this, the apostle rubbed the back of his head where his hairline started from and looked at the soldiers with disdain.
It was when the soldier feigned a slap on the apostle that the holy one realised that his life was in danger. He thought this might be the end of his spiritual work and something must be done now. He raised his right hand like a primary school boy and asked that he be allowed into the shalanga to unease his burden. The soldiers allowed him.
And, it came to pass that it was in the toilet that the apostle brought out his mobile phone and called the general of a particular land. He called the only thug known to Ekitians. The apostle promised to make the thug a king of the land if he could get him away from the clutches of evil men. When the thug heard the promise, he leapt from his chair and unto the table and called his security agencies to come with him to quell a peculiar problem. It was a canard in town that the drivers drove like gangsters, tearing market sheds and uprooting goats from their resting place.
When the thug got into the custody of the apostle, it was reported that he flew to the ground, crashing his head into the feet of Apostle Suleiman. It was while his head was on the ground that he repeated under his breath: toush, no, toush, no, touch, toush not my anointed. He quickly put the apostle on his back and disappeared into the dark of the night.
But, again, the apostle was found foaming in his mouth and vomiting words. He threatened the land and said there would have been forty-two plagues and gnashing of teeth in the land had he been arrested for one day. He said we should thank Fayose for saving our backsides.
Thank you governor, for your wisdom is above the law and we shall never touch the anointed.
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