Explainer: How to Be a good Side Chick

Give him space. Don’t always be the first to text him or seek him out. Give him breathing room. He doesn’t want to have more than one wife/girlfriend/significant other. He already has one of those, and your job is to be something different. You have to be fun, and not get all up in his space. You have a right to do your own thing just as much as he has a right to do his. Go out with your girlfriends. Have a good time. Don’t worry about checking in with him every five minutes or he’ll start to think you want something more.

Keep things interesting. When he texts you, keep the conversation interesting. A side chick’s main responsibility is to keep things fun and exciting. Giving him short answers and acting uninterested will make him wish he was playing Words with Friends instead — or even just hanging out with his Main. Tell him funny stories; ask how he’s feeling; surprise him. Do whatever you’ve gotta do to keep things exciting, as long as it feels natural.

Refrain from having “The Talk”. Having the “What are we doing? Where is this going?” talk will push him away. You have to know your lane. You’re his side chick; the end. Yeah, some side chicks do end up as mains, but this is much more rare than you may think. If your thing is all about hooking up, then there’s no need to overwhelm your guy with serious conversation. This will lead you to a time out.

Go with the flow. There should never be a reason to get into a disagreement with him. That is the Main’s responsibility. A side chick should always be cool and should never be one who stresses him out. You are his vacation, his time off, his break from problems with the Main. If you start bickering, criticizing him, or complaining about everything you do together, he’ll start to wonder why he got with you in the first place.

Don’t ask questions. This should be a no brainer. You can’t ask “Where were you,” “Why didn’t you call me,” “Why are you always so busy,” “Why don’t you ever see me,” “Who were you on the phone with,” etc., if you expect to keep the relationship going. These are not side chick questions. You got yourself into this situation, and there’s no point in acting jealous or surprised when you already knew the score getting into it.

Don’t try to spend holidays or birthdays with the guy. If he cares enough, he might celebrate these events with you the day after or before, but for the most part, don’t expect anything like a gift or acknowledgment. These days are saved and reserved for the Mains, and it may be safe to text him to wish him a happy New Year/Christmas/birthday, but a phone call should not be made. And as for Valentine’s Day, you can pretty much bet that he’ll be spending it with his main.

Let him get in touch with you first. He’s the one having the affair, so unfortunately, he has to call the shots. If he wants to get in touch with you, he’ll send you a text or he’ll call you. If you try to call or text him, then you could be putting him in an awkward situation because he may be with his main. This is especially true at night; don’t try to call or text him late at night, or his Main may see your phone message and things could get ugly.

Always look your best. As a side chick, always be on point. You’re not his girlfriend, and shouldn’t be hanging out with him in sneakers and sweats. If you want to find a guy you can get comfortable with, then you can look for a boyfriend. The fact of the matter is that the guy will expect you to look your best if you’re his side chick. Nobody said it was an easy job.

Let him think he’s the only one. You don’t want him to think you get down like this, even if you do. You’re already a side chick; you don’t want him to think you’re seeing other guys, too. But if you are seeing other guys, then so what? You have every right to do what you want; he didn’t put a ring on your finger, did he?

• Keep your Facebook clean. Don’t let him see lots of pictures of you with a bunch of other guys.

Don’t obsess over the Main. Honestly, if you want to stay happy, then ignorance is bliss, and you should avoid researching the Main or thinking about her too much. The more you know about the Main — what she looks like, what she does for a living, what her name is — the more annoyed you’ll be about your man seeing someone else. You may start getting obsessed with the Main, overly jealous, and getting into stalker mode, and that is just not something you want for your sanity.

• If you start bringing up the Main to the guy, or asking questions about her, he won’t want to continue the conversation.

Get out if you’re not happy. Nobody said being a side chick was the easiest thing in the world. If you really like the guy while knowing he’s seeing someone else and don’t want things to get too serious, then fine. However, it’s hard to be a side chick for long before you get fed up with the situation and want something more; if you’re feeling upset and frustrated, there’s no need to fake being “cool” with everything when you’re not. It’s simple. If it’s not for you, get out.