‘If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses.’
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
So what’s this entire gist about? What is this hype about rat race, work, needs, money and so on, and now, parents are being brought into the picture? May I remind you, lest you forget, about what is at the heart of my message? That there is more to work than just earning a living. I guess you already know that, right? So why do most people spend their whole lives in the Rat Race? Why do most parents directly or indirectly contribute to the growth of this empire?
Till today, many of them are still advocates of the 3G Code (GO to school, GET a good grade, so you can GET a good job); a formula that is outdated and ushers young people into the Rat Race. I thought you were going to ask me a question at this point. How come a formula that worked for earlier generations has now become a ticket to the Rat Race?
As I mentioned earlier, the assumptions of the 3G Code no longer work with current realities. For example, the 3G Code placed more emphasis on Security; meanwhile we are in an age of uncertainty. Many parents have a ‘return on investment’ mentality in that they expect that as soon as a child is through with school, he should start gathering resources. So the availability of a job that provided steady flow of resources (salary), which was required to meet needs was considered a security. In fact in some circles, having a job was like a status symbol. The problem with the security mentality is that it created a dependency on job to gather resources and to meet needs. For most people, as soon as they leave school they begin the pursuit of job (to get security) and continue all through their working life as they keep searching for that better offer. Unfortunately, the more the emphasis on needs and security, the lesser the freedom to discover and pursue one’s true work.
Apart from promoting the 3G Code, there is another dimension to parents’ contribution to the rat race.
Most parents are faced with a multiplicity of demands, and it is not uncommon for one or more aspects of their lives to lag behind because of the difficulty in maintaining a balance. Unfortunately, one of the areas that suffer is the discovery and pursuit of their true work.
Most of you, upon your arrival on earth, meet your parents already immersed in the Rat Race. They spend all their lives working just to meet needs. Many give up their dreams, neglect their talents, and fail to pursue their passion in a bid to take care of the children. They fail to explore and pursue their true work while holding on to security and certainty. The fear of not having enough money to take care of the home as well as amass surplus for the children seems to be the driving factor behind their career decisions. They believe that if they spend their active years trying to provide comfort and the best of education for their children, by following the 3G CODE, their children will become successful. To them, their fulfillment is not as important as the child’s ‘success’. This is a great sacrifice which is commendable ordinarily, but unfortunately, it has grave implications for humanity. How do I mean?
I) It builds an entitlement mentality in both parties – children and parents.
In some cases, this may be unhealthy. For example, children expect their parents to do everything for them and sometimes they hold onto their parents’ apron longer than they should.
On the other hand, parents also expect that after they have spent their most active years working for money in order to take care of their children, they can now retire (meaning, they need not work anymore) and be taken care of by them. The children now become their security as they guarantee a steady supply of money. Many parents even believe that they have finished their work and are fulfilled when they have raised successful children who can now meet their needs.
Because work has been associated with earning or meetng needs, many people find no meaning or reason for work as long as they have a steady source of money after retirement. Only a handful of people consider retirement (after having spent their lives pursuing money or working to meet needs) as an opportunity or feedom to do something they loved that they have longed wanted to do.
By the way, is it not an irony that most people spend all their lives and careers working for money, and at the end, after decades of work, they still don’t have enough to sustain them? So why do parents still tell children, “go to school, get a good grade, get a good job so you can make money.”
In addition, as children unconsciously adopt this mindset from parents, they are compelled to repeat the cycle as they labour endlessly in the rat race trying to make money to raise children or take care of the family while they defer their their true work. Remember that at this time their own parents must have retired too. So, there are more needs to meet which leads to the need to work harder and longer to make more money. Oh, what a race!
II) The absence of examples to follow
One reason why the cycle of the rat race continues to replicate itself from one generation to another is that very few children see their parents pursue their true work. Some of them see passions and dreams that are lying fallow, or even in some cases, none at all. All they know is that dad and mum has to go out and work in order to make money to take care of the home. It gives them the impression that irrespective of their dreams, talents, and passion; irrespective of the nudging in their heart to do something great with their lives, they are supposed to get a good grade in school and then go out there and get a good job or to work just to make money. They expect to be able to pursue their true work later, after having made some money. But after moving from one job or work to another and working a number of years, it becomes harder to ‘step out’, so they are confined to repeat the cycle that their parents have begun. They keep working, invest so much in their children’s education and expect to live off them in retirement.
I admit that raising a child is indeed a great sacrifice. A lot of parents may not readily have the resources they need to give their children a ‘good education’, so they are forced to do anything to survive. This is understandable. It will be unfair to blame parents who abandoned their dreams in order to give their children a future? They did what they thought best at the time, and they should to be appreciated. But things are different now, and everyone – parents and children, deserves a fulfilled life. There are so many problems in the world today that every gift, talent, idea, potential loaded in each individual should be deployed in making the world a better place. Parents can no longer serve their children alone, but the world at large. Parents must also find out how to profit from doing the work they love. More than ever before, children must find the inspiration to explore and deploy their potentials through the example of their parents.
To be continued…