Shawn James, a freelance writer with over 20 years experience penned a controversial piece as to why ‘Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers’. In it, he gave 15 reasons why a man should not date single mothers.
You can read the article below.
- Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.
- YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.
- Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.
- Emotionally Unavailable– Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children. In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.
- The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to c*ckblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to fight over her. Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshit.
- The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them. Seriously, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
- Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullsh*t to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.
READ ALSO: Four Loaded Resource Guides For Single Moms
- Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in her eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her v*gina. In their deluded distorted vision of the world, men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.
- Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse. Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.”
- Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.
- Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel. It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six-month mark. Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not uncommon for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.”
- Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life. The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are. Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.
- In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Daddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back. In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet. And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man man about her baby daddy so he can go f!ght him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.
- Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world. Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do. On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day. The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.
- Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her children’s’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie!
Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that k!lls him.
That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like a disease.
Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choos and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot.
Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one.
All true.
I totally disagree. Yes there are women that live drama and like for the world to revolve around them only but that is true for any woman regardless she is single without children or single mothers. I am a single mother. I have very little contact with the father of my kids. No feelings for him at all but it did take some time for that. Never dated anyone to make him jealous. Yes we do out our kids first but as a woman, we like to think about our future with someone because those kids grow up and pretty much we need to have that feeling of being loved by someone else other than our kids. As a single parent I don’t expect for another man to act as a father to my kids but establish a relationship of communication and friendship with my children. By the way not all single parents have small children. Some have older children. I don’t like drama. I don’t play as a victim. I did come through from having nothing g after separation to having my own property and vehicles. So I do think that the author just went out with single mothers that probably are not too educated and got a negative vibe about all this. The same situation of drama and attention hunger will apply to single women without kids.
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“Who hurt you” is a common gaslighting tactic used to invalidate the observations made by the author. Most of the reasons are deductible fact. But if you want an answer from me, not the author,, the people who hurt me is the civil government in the form of corrupt family kangaroo courts.
Well in that case marry or have relationship to an OLD divorced men. Don’t marry or have relationship young men cuz if it’s young you will get in trouble. I know someone marry a single with HER 2 kids he said to me he don’t like other people’s kids or her kids and worst he cheats on her yes he’s cheating on her. Mostly YOUNG men will not take responsibility of your kids thats not theirs, it’s suppose to be the responsibilities of the biological father. They may marry you but their love and taking care of your children is fake cuz why the hell he’s cheating.? So be careful.
I’m reading that you’ve been hurt and are using writing as a scapegoat to express that pain. I believe a counselor would be able to assist you in working through the many issues portrayed in this article. I would also like to ask for the research on this. How many single women did you date and for what length of time? Do you have literature review?
He doesn’t seem to be hurt by anyone. I think you missed the point of the article, it is about single mother’s, not just single women. Regardless, everything mentioned is 100% true, go date one yourself if you don’t believe him. Moron
Fact, it’s not a place of hurt at all. Then comes the drama, I want to take YOU on vacation “what about my kid” WHAT ABOUT THEM? He has a dad send him there, “noooooo his wife is mean to my kid” AND????? I’M in a relationship with YOU….. Movie night …. I’ve been promising to go to a movie with my daughter or son since November, do you mind if they come too? YES I MIND, send them to grandma…..
Single mom’s often decline to believe THEIR CHILD will be a bother, annoying, an undesired burden or just get in the way of a new man and most definitely an unwanted financial burden.
Single moms also act as though ” just cause I have a kid does not make me any different than a woman without kids” YES IT DOES
I CAN’T FIND a baby sitter….. can my son come he’s never been to a game, she never been to that restaurant……
Name 1 rnb song that talks about
I’ve always wanted to be a step dad or have a woman with kids?
FROM THE EYES OF A MAN THERE ARE FAR LESS REASONS TO DO IT. DOES it happen? Yeah, just know there are plenty no child having women, it’s far better for it to be just the 2 of you and start your own family.
Eh hard pass on you needy dudes. My kid is.more fun to hang out with anyways.
All false. the world doesn’t revolve around you. You ARE late if at all because children are the first thing in a single mother’s life. There are many dead beats dads out there and single mother’s have no choice but do everything she can to provide. We are just as human as you. We also just have more sense when choosing the next male in our life.
You can generalize with “dead beat dads”. You are absolutely right… there are dead beat dads out there. That doesn’t automatically polarize a woman into having it together because of it. Afterall, the woman picked the dead beat to begin with. This is a whole-hearted reflection of her self-judgement…. and viseversa.
Response to the dead beat dad HAHA men and women are not equal WE ARE DIFFERENT. In some areas men are greater in some areas women are greater….. whe it comes to dead beat DADS JUST KNOW MANY women have sex with men hoping he will stay. Some times it’s a one night thing. THIS IS TIME WHEN WOMEN need to be greater and close your legs SOME WOMEN SAY all men are dogs, if this is some times true then you need to be more selective of who, how often and when you spread.
A dead bear dad? Sometimes it’s the woman. I mean famous men pay child support a d instead of college funds and putting ALL THE MONEY to the child, you buy a new wig? WHY? sometimes you spend it on your other kids who’s dad does nothing for them. That is wrong too.
To the women who say this is bs, what part do you feel is bs? It may not be you / how your situation is with your kid. Look around your cousins, sisters, maybe your mom, maybe your friends. Just know of course this does not apply to all women.
THE UNDENIABLE FACT IS, from a man’s eyes there is no benefit to him to pass up on a single woman with no kids and go to a single mom.
Single mothers made the choice to have the child. Anything that child does to interfere with dating is 100% on the woman. Don’t put that drama on a dude. If you can’t control your situation, you should never have had the child or give it up for adoption. Period!
100% true. The only possible “relationship” with a single mother is ocasial sexual affairs in the free-kids weekend. All the other forms you better run. I have a idiot beta male cousin, he married a double single mother. My aunt died right away. I dont know if depression of suicide or poisoning, but something happened. Sometime the beta isnt aware the disgusting disappointment he is causing
I realise that this is an old article but since many young men might still stumble across it… here is something to consider before discarding single moms:
Most of what is described around the internet as problems with “single moms” are actually just issues with parenting 101. Childless men might imagine that they will be able to date the perfect childless woman for years and then settle down happily ever, having their own kids with no issues but that is unrealistic… Once kids are in the picture that childless woman will turn into that very same “mom” – one who must prioritise the well-being of the child, can’t be as spontaneous romantically, must make sure that the child has a sitter or is sleeping before grownups can have their alone time, will rightfully be a “drain” on your wallet as she expects you to provide for the needs of all children in the household first and foremost, solve all her problems etc…. and guess what – there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that – it is called “becoming a family”.
In the grand scheme of things, a couple only needs to “date” for 1.5 years at most to get to know each other well enough to settle down together permanently i.e. get married then ideally they spend the rest of their lives “doing family” together. So, the single mom is really just an average woman who is already in the middle of doing family, hence her time constraints from day one. That might make the “dating year” a little less spontaneous etc. but at the end of the day either way the man in question should understand that family life with all its time constraints and supposed financial constraints is actually the more normal interaction between men and women in most cultures for most of their lives. Instead of running from it, he should just figure out how to be happy in it. It’s all about your mindset.
E.g. if he actually marries the single mom, they will have plenty of uninterrupted time at night after the kids are asleep like any other married couple. Also, old boyfriends and baby daddies are more likely to stay away because it is now HIS home as the HUSBAND and they would need HIS permission to come anywhere near. He would not just be the temporary boyfriend with no standing so much less drama with exes.
So, for a single man evaluating women for potential long term commitment such as marriage, single “moms” are no different than any other woman, each should be evaluated on her own merit and unique life story for compatability. A childless woman would not automatically be a better fit personalitywise or valueswise.
On the other hand, for single men just trying to stay single, living the party life with random women as long as possible with no interest in any long term commitment, then sure it might be best to avoid the women who are already “moms” and only pursue childless women. I hope those childless women are aware that you are not looking for anything long term, no commitment, no family though so they don’t waste their time with you unless that is their preferred future as well.
So, maybe the advice article shouldn’t lump all men in together since it depends on why a man is dating – just for fun or to evaluate prospects for future family life.
Finally, as a side note for the black community in particular, I actually believe it would be ideal if lots and lots of single men made the radical decision to settle down with, MARRY and do family with single moms on purpose. Take on those other mans kids financially – just take care of all kids in your household without complaint. Heroically get in there and fix what is broken. Stop being afraid of marriage and family. Stop trying to drag out “dating for fun” for years and years until the spark is gone then onto the next newbie to date. Studies show that if you give it a chance and stay together, after the initial infatuation phase is gone, a deeper more abiding love eventually replaces it. So, wait for it. Work for it. Attend yearly couple’s retreats and marriage seminars to figure out what to do to stop the fighting between men and women. Work as a team to raise the next generation. Who cares if the kid has your DNA or not. Be selfless. Fix the families and you will fix the communities and hence fix the future for all! So, date that single mom realistically not just for the wanna be childfree forever party lifestyle. Children are welcome additions to the family and community – NOT a burden that gets in the way. It’s all in your mindset.
Girl yes
“Who cares if the child has your DNA or not”? certainly not you, or other women who think like you because, as a woman, any child you bear has YOUR DNA by default, so to hell with what men want right, but men do actually care very deeply about that especially. As God made man in His image, after His likeness, so does man want his children to be in his own image, after his own likeness. Your flippant disregard of this important part of child-rearing for men reveals how little you and you ilk actually think of men.
I’ve dated multiple single moms in my 20’s and all of them more or less are exactly how you described them! Another rule is she had multiple baby daddies and can’t keep none of them or if all her friends and family kick her out their place and don’t want to deal with the SHE is the problem! A man isn’t going leave a good woman.
I ve no experience with single mothers, yet I think their been single may not always be their fault.No one is perfect and marrying a single lady may not be assurance of a happy marriage. Let us not condem single moms as if they are demons.My uncle married a single mother of one,and they have been living happily for over 20years .
This is just common sense.
I learnt this a little late but thank God for the experience,I am a better man now.
I’m very glad you stated ”Go date ONE yourself”, how can you create an entire article or even come to such a conclusion from dating JUST ONE single mom who was probably an unstable one??? I’m sorry but all i could detect from this article was so much bitterness, especially from the writer’s choice of words. The writer is evidently a misogynist! You should also know that not a lot of people have kids with the intention of becoming single parents. Life happens and you can’t declare so much hate on a group. One might assume the writer was raised by 2 parents, but I do not see any love in this, so it’s not just about being raised by a single or both parents, it’s mostly about HOW you were raised, and I can tell you this for free, the Writer wasn’t raised with that much love. And cheers to the men that date a woman for her personality and not her status or title.
Dummy
This is a one sided immature article written
By a fck boy with mommy issues. Any woman who is a mother married or single should prioritize the children… that’s what moms do period. A woman who doesn’t do that isn’t a good mom! There are so many situations why a woman becomes a single mom, so many dynamics to the co parent or baby daddy relationship too. I think it takes a strong man, with a big heart and a lot of love to be with a single mom. That man has to LOVE her and sees her value. Some men prefer single lols because they see what an amazing mother they are through all the hardships and are like dang… you can do it all! You amazing. Whatever
Bro anyone who says do not date single mom period- got hurt- either by his mama or someone else’s.
Girl yes
Lol. Not really then explain why I know someone marry a single mom with HER 2 kids he said to me he don’t like other people’s kids or her kids and worst he cheats on her yes he’s cheating on her. Mostly YOUNG men will not take responsibility of your kids thats not theirs, it’s suppose to be the responsibilities of the biological father. They may marry you but their love and taking care of your children is fake on the long run cuz why the hell he’s cheating.?
Only a LIAR would disagree. The Bible says no female ever shall be trusted to preach the word of God… NONE. ALL ARE SOCIOPATHIC LIARS UNCONTROLLABLY DECEITFUL. ALL. And all males know of the “seasoned ripened serial female misandrist financial date-rapist prostituting for materialism. Females initiate attacking raping males first by date raping them for free food and beverages. Cheap Whore.
You are an absolutely disgusting human being. Jesus still loves you but he’s shaking his head.
Lol whaaaaat
Wow, I’m a single mom and this article is total trash. I’m not anything like this article describes. What a load of horse shit! If a man is that biased, they don’t deserve any woman’s attention
Who hurt you
Melissa the reason you spead your legs is not know to everybody. The article is very accurate for many many women. You may not into this fact is still as has been said. There is no benefit to men to date with the pain of marrying a lady who has kids. THIS FACT IS KNOW IN HIGH SCHOOL, adult life and all realistic thinkers know it’s better for a man yo start off without the baggage, burden and problems of another man’s kid.
Congratulations on getting you own. HOWEVER, the author is 100% correct about maybe 95% of women. If you were never married, bust out a child and are still THINKING A MAN WILL SEE VALUE in you OVER a childless woman…. you need to check your brain. Do like this woman, and go and get yours!
I can think about 95 reasons to avoid a woman with a child and not 1 benefit to the man aka 1 REASON he should date her.
You are a straight up simp, if you date a single Mom. The lone qualifier being if she is a widow. Giver her a thought. Otherwise, run like your tail is on fire.
I agree all! Sadly,almost all has happened to me😭
As a single mom I just want to add a note to the author and men who agreed with this article, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t date me or any other single mother. In fact, staying away from us entirely would be ideal. For those questioning the validity of this, I would like to add the following:
1. History has shown us time and time again that stereotyping a huge group off people is inaccurate and morally wrong. Come on, people, we’ve seen this before a bunch of times.
2. Why does the same not apply to single fathers? Would the internet freak out if I wrote an article criticizing dad bods?
3. Single mothers are the hardest working demographic! Many of us (including me) have PhDs, professional careers, hobbies, friends. We are, indeed, actually just humans. Busy humans.
4. That being said, I don’t habe time to write more so I’m leaving a lot unsaid. I must congratulate the author on being so angry and hateful that you caused me to spend time rebuking something I read on the internet, written by strangers. I never do that! Just really gets under my skin that some folks are so cruel to single mothers, who are often (not always) such superheroes! Please if you are reading this be kind and compassionate and open minded. You most certainly have no obligation to date a single mother but do be nice to us. Most of us could use a little empathy.
Also, if you’re such a happy, fulfilled, and mature dude loving your children and single mom- free life, then why are you devoting what must have taken at least an hour (hours?) to spewing angry resentful criticism about single moms, who – according to this article you want nothing to do with -on the internet? Shouldn’t you be out living the bachelor dream 😂?
To all the single.moms.out there reading this, wondering whether anyone will ever love you, know that you already are loved. Also remember to Fu*# these guys and what they think. Don’t even waste your time reading their loud opinions. Put your phone down, and take a moment to think about how much you mean to your kids and how much they mean to you. Remember all the one million things you did this week. Most folks couldn’t walk a day in your shoes! You are amazing. Spend as much time as you can seizing the days with them.
I agree!!!!!!!! That’s why I tell my sons to only date childless women.