Dear Achalugo, we need to talk. It’s a new year, a fresh start, a time for resolutions. And while some people are out here promising to “make more money” or “hit the gym,” we have a special request just for you—please, for the love of humanity, take your personal hygiene seriously this year!
1. Bathing is Not an Optional Activity
Achalugo, let’s be honest. Some days, your relationship with water is like that of a cat—strictly avoidant. But biko, this year, let’s change that narrative. Water is not your enemy. Soap will not harm you. In fact, a good scrub might reveal a fresher version of you that we haven’t met in years.
2. Deodorant is a Best Friend, Not an Occasional Acquaintance
There’s nothing more heartbreaking than hugging someone and realizing too late that their armpit has declared World War III. Achalugo, a little roll-on won’t hurt. In fact, let’s upgrade—antiperspirants, body sprays, even perfume! Let your presence announce itself with sweet scents, not fearful glances.
3. Your Mouth Should Not Be a Biohazard
Morning breath is normal, but when it lingers till afternoon and even night, we have a problem. Brushing twice a day is not a suggestion—it’s the law! And if your mouth insists on misbehaving, mint, chewing gum, and mouthwash are your new squad. Don’t let your words carry more weight than your message (literally).
4. Clothes Need Air Too
If your jeans and T-shirts have started developing their own personality from being worn repeatedly, it’s time to let them go. Clothes deserve fresh air and water too. A little detergent, some fabric softener, and sunlight can save lives—including yours.
5. Hair Needs Love, Not Just Vibes
Whether it’s braids, wigs, or a natural look, your hair deserves attention. Wash it, oil it, and for the love of all things good, don’t let your wig smell like expired onions. If your comb is struggling to pass through, it’s time for deep conditioning and a rethink of your life choices.
6. Clean Nails = Happy Life
Your nails should not be a horror movie. If people see your hands and start questioning their faith, it’s time for action. A simple trim and a little cleaning under your nails can go a long way. You don’t need salon-level nails, just make sure they don’t look like they’ve been digging coal.
7. Let’s Normalize Fresh Bedsheets
Sleeping on the same bedsheet for three months straight is not a Guinness World Record attempt, Achalugo. Change your sheets. Wash your pillowcases. Your skin will thank you, and your room will stop smelling like a teenage boy’s locker room.
8. Public Transport Does Not Mean Public Odor
If you’re a regular in buses and keke, please—before stepping out, give yourself a little sniff test. Lagos sun + body odor = national disaster. A little powder, deodorant, and fresh clothes can save an entire bus from collective suffering.
Achalugo, this is a call to action. 2025 is the year of freshness, cleanness, and fragrance. Let people associate your presence with joy, not emergency exits. The world will thank you, and your friendships will last longer.
Go forth and be fresh, my dear!