OH NO !! Join me in crying please.
This information is from a poor fan of this movie series and she is seriously pleading for her money back after seeing the third installment. Here’s what she had to say:
The first two Expendables movies were wonderfully hilarious send-ups of every action movie trope ever. The one-liners, the outrageous and entirely unnecessary gore, the epic Chuck Norris cameos, the constant stream of jokes: the movies had a wonderfully funny sense of what they were. Paired with genuinely well-executed action and occasional (but not exactly frequent) character development, they made for fun, engaging thrill rides.
I spent most of the movie waiting for someone to yell “I’m too old for this shit,” Roger Murtaugh-style, then jump off a building into a burning helicopter and hang on with one hand while shooting 36 soldiers with an automatic shotgun or something. (I mean, Riggs is in this movie.) At the heart of this movie is the fact that the Expendables are barely hanging on, but they’re all still outrageously jacked and in Stallone’s case looking less and less like an actual human with every scene and as talented as ever.
The bigger problem with The Expendables 3 was that the most exciting thing that happened during its two hour, six minute runtime was a man falling asleep and snoring loudly for 25 solid minutes. And the biggest laugh in the whole movie came when another guy, a few rows away, shouted “YO GET UP!” and forced the man to jerk back to life. I went into the theater expecting something big and glorious and powerful, but what I got was a movie that felt quiet and weak and small. That’s not what once made The Expendables great, and it’s not worth going to the theater for.