My boyfriend “Ted” and I have been together for nine months, and we’ve been living together for the last six (yes, I realized that we moved in together very fast). We support each other, share responsibilities well, and have an active and engaging sex life. I see myself spending the rest of my life with Ted. Ted has a sexual bucket list, and No. 1 is a threesome. He mentions wanting to have a threesome at least a few times a week, and points out various women in my life, like my co-workers, as potentially the third participant. At this point, I’m incredibly uncomfortable engaging in a threesome, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Ted says that a threesome is something he would do only before we’re married, because after that it would be weird. What do I do? Do I cave and have a threesome because it’s something that’s really important to him? Do I give him his freedom to have a threesome with two other girls, knowing I probably won’t be OK with it after it happens?
A: I wonder how Ted would feel if you started pointing out his more adorable male co-workers and said constantly that you felt it would enhance your relationship—and his standing in the office!—if you two invited one of them to have sex with you. I always suggest that before a couple move in together that they be very clear about what they see for the future. That is, if living together goes well, whether this is a prelude to marriage and discuss the specifics of a timeline. I guess I will have to add the bucket list discussion, too. It’s one thing to have a partner who wants to climb Machu Picchu with you. It’s another to have a partner who wants Marcia from accounting to climb into the sack with you. You’re not interested in a threesome, but Ted has a Ted talk about this multiple times a week. If I were in your situation, it’s the relationship that I’d have kick the bucket.
via@Slate