Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but most people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of deep fulfillment. The ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate.
Similarly, Relationships have a lot of challenges that comes with it and often times people tend to display habits that are unhealthy because they assume it is normal.
Some of these unhealthy habits are:
KEEPING SCORE PHENOMENON: This phenomenon centers around the blame game. In this case, both partners battle to know who has screwed up the most and should be more committed in the relationship.
Most people tend to hold a grudge and find a way to get back at their partner for the wrong attitude meted out on them.
This is Toxic and unhealthy because the scorecard develops over time and past wrongdoings are used to justify current righteousness Not only are you deflecting the current issue itself, but you ‘ready ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling wrong in the present.
If this goes on long enough, both partners eventually spend most of their energy trying to prove that they’re less culpable than the other, rather than solving the current problem. People spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.
DISPLAYS OF “LOVING” JEALOUSY: This is the abuse of your partner’s emotion by making an attempt to control their behavior because of some jealousy developed due to insecurity.
This jealousy leads to anger, getting pissed off when your partner talks, behaviour touches or communicates with someone else.
This ends up in a toxic situation because it leads behaviors such as hacking your partners emai account, reading through their messages in their absence, taking their calls privately and many others.
Some jealousy is natural and in situations like this, it is wise to trust your partner because excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.
DROPPING “HINTS” AND OTHER PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR
Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.
This is toxic because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.
To avoid this situation, it is best to State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.