In a traditional ideal marriage, it is considered that a man needs to earn more than his wife, such that he can take care of his family without having to use even a single penny of his wife’s money. However, as times are changing and the job market is getting tougher day by day, one does not really know who will end up in a higher paying job – you or your husband.
In most cases, where the man is really open-minded about this, and is also very supportive of his wife’s career and ambitions, there is usually no problem. However, if he has a male ego that needs to be tamed every now and then, then you may have to do some extra homework to avoid bitterness in your marriage, coming out of the difference in your paychecks. Here are some ways in which you can deal with the situation when you are earning more than your man.
1. Don’t make it obvious
If you earn more money, don’t make it obvious by going on lavish shopping trips with your friends, and coming back with multiple bags full of new things. This can make your husband feel a little jealous, to say the least, because for all you know, he may have been sacrificing buying new things for himself for a long time now, to pay bills at home. So don’t increase your personal expenditures for no reason at all, as that will make it obvious, and more ‘in your face’ to your husband that you are earning more than him.
2. Let him be the man
In cases when you are going for dinner, or when the kids request for new things, let him be the one who pays. That will make him feel that he is still the provider of the family. Let him be the man and enjoy his responsibilities like before. Don’t forcefully try to contribute, as that will only make him feel bad. Plus, when he refuses to buy the kids something saying that he doesn’t have money right now, don’t jump in saying that you can buy it instead. He is the man of the house, and for him, his paycheck will decide what the kids will get, and how the family spends.
3. Surround him with respectful people
From kids to close friends to extended relatives, everyone who comes around him or near him should be respectful of him, feeling proud of how he is handling his family well. Nobody should be rubbing it in his face that he is living off his wife’s money, or that the wife would have been better off with someone else, or that the kids would be better if they survived on their mom’s income etc. These kinds of thoughts coming from external parties can trigger the wrong emotions and feelings in him, and can cause him to feel bad about himself.
4. Communicate more
While you may try limiting a lot of negativity around him, there will always be set of people, such as his colleagues or friends that you can’t ever control. If they try and put negative thoughts in his head, there is no way you will be able to control the situation. Except, unless, you talk it out. Unless you calm him down, talk to him more, try sorting your arguments and take decisions together, there is no way that both of you will be able to enjoy peace in your life. Involve him more on financial decisions and discuss how you both want to move ahead in life step by step. That will make him feel that he holds a lot of value in your life, and that he is still more important to you than the money you earn.
5. Make him feel he is the ‘breadwinner’
When a man pays for all the major expenses in the house, such as the house rents, electricity bills, phone bills, Internet bills, he feels as if he is running the house. Let him get that feeling and let his duties and responsibilities be the same even after you are earning more than him. Technically speaking, when all minor expenses are added up, they often cost the same as the major expenses. These may include repairs at home, buying groceries, stationery and books for kids on and off, transport for taking kids. You should pay for these minor expenses, which don’t seem ‘apparent’, and let the husband manage the major expenses. That way, he will psychologically feel that he is in charge of the house, and is running it.
Try and follow these steps, and avoid arguments where you end up talking about you earning more than him. With better communication between you and him, and a mutually respectful atmosphere at home, couples can sort out such issues easily.